Sherdog.com’s Guide to TUF 5

Nate Diaz got things done last week with his hard fought win over Robert Emerson (Pictures). Rob garnered some respect from his peers after battling very hard, but in the end was choked by Diaz and eliminated from the show.

With Emerson out of the way, Team Pulver gets back in the training swing and Jens isn't taking the training lightly as he has his eyes on Wayne Weems (Pictures). Yes, the Wayne Weems (Pictures).

According to his teammate Manny Gamburyan, Wayne is behind in all aspects of the fight game. Jens too sees the struggles, and like any coach immediately jumps on Wayne and starts yelling at him to do better. Wayne gets some extra attention during some drills but still seems committed enough to finish strong despite his shortcomings.

Once Team Penn gets back in training, Gabe Ruediger (Pictures) casually suggests to B.J. that he should be the one to fight Weems next. No, there's no bad blood or frankly any other reason these two should fight … other than Gabe is just using his noodle and picking his shot.

Gabe's team isn't too pleased and they let him know about it. Back at the house, Emerson is all over Gabe in the kitchen, calling him out in front of the rest of the team for "taking the easy way out." Gabe's team seems to agree since no one is taking his side, or looking him in the eyes.

Team Pulver hits the training room next and Jens has Brandon Melendez (Pictures) in his crosshairs. Brandon's been taking it easy with an injured foot but Jens is tired of seeing him dog it. Jens starts railing on him about spending all his time on the "Aerodyne" and not training with the rest of the guys. Brandon counters that he "knows his body" and even goes so far to explain to Jens why he wants to rest his foot now so that it's "bouncy" for the fight.

I hope that Jens was wise enough to go home and write that down. Jens seems hell-bent on getting Brandon to train and doesn't back off. Brandon's teammates let Jens know he's doing the proper thing and they mention his weight. They argue that Brandon is still almost 13 pounds heavy. Now Brandon is a cut young man so it's not like he's walking around too heavy.

To top things off, Brandon is motivated to fight now. Jens remarks that he won't put him out on the mat unless he at least makes it down to 160. Brandon admits that he's a natural 170 and hauls his rump into the sauna. Jens theorized that Brandon was dogging it due to the fatigue from trying to cut weight and while that might be true, at least Brandon is working hard to cut the weight.

Back at the house some discussion is going on that I find to be equally fascinating -- and comical -- since Marlon "Mr. Indestructible" Sims has his mic on and decides to answer the question of "how he got his nickname." For the first time in five seasons I will just flat out, word-for-word print what was said. Why editorialize a five star BS artist?

Gabe: "Marlon do you have a nickname?"

Marlon: "Mr. Indestructible"

Gabe: "Who gave you that?"

Marlon: "I stopped counting after the couple hundred street fights I've been in"

(See Rickson Gracie, Wilt Chamberlain and the Iraqi Minister of Defense for other notable exaggerations)

Gabe remarks that Marlon is a "bullshitter" … O RLY?

Then Marlon is heard saying, "I had people coming from all over the place just coming up (saying) ‘Are you Marlon Sims (Pictures)?' ‘Yeah' and they'd just start throwing at me."

Gabe: "He'd say he fought 300 street fights and seven guys at once, it sounds like Steven Segal."

I'm laughing harder now than I have ever laughed in these past five seasons. Marlon continues with, "I see these two guys and I dropped the first one with a right-left combo and then endless guys come out of nowhere."

At this point Gabe (sensibly) calls "shenanigans" on Marlon and despite this Marlon maintains that "everything you hear no matter how outlandish is true."

Later Gabe would mention, "he's fought 30 guys at a time with his eyes closed … he drinks the blood of his opponents, this man is a walking nightmare."

Ladies and Gentleman, Gabe is on point and there might not be a funnier moment no matter how long TUF runs. Every person reading this column has been there. The buddy that has kicked everyone's ass since the beginning of time has always been with us.

I'm not going to go all out and call Marlon a liar, but if he beat up hundreds of people on the streets of San Francisco, 90 percent had to be in the sleepy hobo/hippy/wino category. I mean there has never been a lighter shedding period on fighting in history than right now. Mirko Filipovic (Pictures) can't go seven fights without losing, but this guy has absolute complete control of all the variables, even in the street!

Marlon, drop out of the show now and start selling your secrets in the back pages of Boys' Life. Move over Charles Atlas and Matt Furey, there's a new king in town.

After this nonsense comes the fight announcement and Jens decides to put Brandon to the test, allowing him to pick Andy Wang for the next fight.

Brandon is teetering on not making the weight and could have real trouble with a ground warrior in the black belt-wearing Wang.

Gabe talks to B.J. about Wang and tells him that Wang will be stubborn and will try and brawl with the more stand-up proficient Melendez.

Wang assures his team that he'll pull guard and put the fight in his hands, even promising to B.J. that he will take Brandon down.

After the usual training between teams, it's time to get to the fighting and Andy admits that if you "live like a man, die like a man, you'll become a man." Of course upon close inspection that makes absolutely no sense, so good luck to those of you that read it.

Time to become men. As the boys enter the Octagon for the fifth fight of this season Andy is looking at a heavy reach and size disadvantage since the taller Melendez has now gone back up to his normal weight by game time.

Once the fight begins, Brandon immediately catches Wang with a straight left, which drops him. Brandon smartly stays on his feet and makes Andy get up to begin trading again. Brandon feels the success of that punch and makes sure to keep his distance but maintains pressure.

Andy is able to recover but Brandon is beating him to the punch and continues to score on solid connections. Andy doesn't take too much damage against the taller and more proficient striker. Brandon is more technical and has accuracy with his punches, but Andy is able to duck and luckily stay out of trouble.

B.J. is continuously shouting for Andy to take a shot or at least try and force a clinch to pull guard, but Wang is on his own here. He continuously tries to trade with Brandon despite being about a foot away from closing the distance enough to be effective.

We go to commercial and Spike announces that 55 percent of the texting audience believes that Marlon is full of it. The other 45 percent think he really did beat up "hundreds of guys."

(I no longer have faith in my countrymen.)

Back to round two and all you can hear from B.J. is, "Go forward Andy!" … "Shoot!" … "Hands up" … "Circle to the left, your left!."

What does this mean? It means Andy really isn't listening and is marching to his own beat. God forbid he listens to one of the best fighters, ever; just continue on your pace until you lose a decision, which he of course does.

Brandon was able to have a picture perfect fight in that he didn't have to do anything but throw hands for six minutes, which he's probably been doing for years.

Andy however has trained for years on the ground since he's a black belt, too bad we'll never see that.

Brandon wins a decision over a guy that decided to fight him on his own terms, which we see often in the world of MMA. After the loss Andy is found weeping -- yes weeping in his corner -- to which B.J. answers: "You can't be sad. You decided what you wanted to do."

Well said, sir. Well said.