Sherdog.com’s Guide to The Ultimate Fighter
Scott Holmes Apr 14, 2006
Week two of The Ultimate Fighter has drawn nigh. I, dear
readers, spent this week turning 30. Great, that's just one more
lie to tell the girls I meet from the University of Texas.
I had hoped that by moving into a new decade of experience I would start to see things differently. I threw out all my "Big Johnson" t-shirts. I got rid of my Calvin-peeing-on-a-Ford sticker and slapped on a "Dare to keep kids off drugs." I burned all my Punisher comics and arranged some magazines on the coffee table to impress all the 30-something "cougars" I plan on bringing home. Architecture, US News and The Economist … stuff that will impress the ladies.
Of course nothing truly changed since 20 minutes before TUF
I was biting my nails about whether or not Seth was going to
actually break up with Summer on The OC and I realized that
I'm going to be dumb for a little while longer — besides I still
daydream of living on Puppy Island with my best friends, Warren
Moon and Lion-o from the Thundercats and I don't want that
dream to die.
So, I bring you an unprecedentedly awful segue to my guide to The Ultimate Fighter.
Last week, Kalib Starnes won his first fight against Mike Stine (Stine, not Stein … sorry all you Jr. Sherdog editors) and has placed himself immediately in the semifinals. Remember kids this year's show is "you win, you’re in.” No more ridiculous challenges.
This episode begins with the boys from England in a bit of a scrum. It seems that Ross (Bointon) has left the toilet in disarray. I could say something crass like "Ross baked some butt brownies and didn't clean the kitchen," but that's really not my type of humor so I won't.
Anyway these boys are arguing about it and the first funny moment of this season emerges as Matt Hamill, who is deaf, makes a comment about New Englanders not getting along. Something got lost in the translation, as Matt had been thinking that these guys were from the Northeast. I laughed because these guys need subtitles half the time and for a guy that has to read lips I can only imagine what "give us a kiss luv" may mean to a guy that thinks you're from New England.
The guys explain to him which England they are from. You know, crumpets not chowder, Beckham not Brady. That sort of thing.
Both of the Brits are wildly entertaining but every time I hear their voice I think of my ex-girlfriend and her new British boyfriend and it just makes my blood boil.
Moving on, we go to the training center where tonight's star, the basketball, makes its appearance. Tito Ortiz (Pictures) decides to instruct Noah Inhofer to keep his hands up better by cradling a basketball between his fist and head. What is this, “The Program”? I don't know if this works or not but Noah becomes attached to this ball and later, when some of the guys kick it around and leave it outside, he gets into an argument with Tait about the lack of respect he's shown Coach Soliz's ball.
Yes, in season one we had Chris Leben (Pictures) bashing down a door for getting sprayed with water. And now we have a fight over a basketball, making me believe that this UFC house is the Bermuda Triangle of testosterone.
Noah might have some reason to be a little edgy since Ken's team has decided that he will be the next to fight. The Shamrock team has the hammer (think conch) and is able to pick who they wish to fight. Ken decides to match up Noah with Jesse Forbes.
Jesse, at 21, is one of the younger guys on the show and has a lot of youthful energy … he likes to break things. So in his haste to break some items he also decides to put an ice pick through Noah's basketball. Noah takes it all in stride, but during the last Team Tito training session before his fight he injures his ankle while doing drills.
Everyone on his team is aghast that he was even lifting a finger before his fight, never mind that just about every fight card you see has guys with bandages all over their bodies from the same kind of thing.
During Ken's training session, Kalib is caught not putting forth the full effort and gets called out by Ken. Shamrock admonishes Kalib for his cruise control actions during drills and gives the boys a stern talking-to.
Tito comes over to the UFC and adds some "bam" to the kitchen as he makes spaghetti for his guys in what the corporate world calls a "team building" exercise. Michael Bisping (Pictures) isn't too thrilled as he sees Tito's constant tutelage of Matt Hamill being a bit unfair and all the spaghetti in the world won't fix that.
It seems that both TUF coaches might have small mutinies on their hands with some of their guys copping attitudes and undermining them.
I'm sure that will come to a head later.
So on to the fight between Jesse Forbes from Team Shamrock and Noah Inhofer from Team Ortiz. Both men are light heavyweights but Noah has a bit of a reach and experience advantage. Noah still has a hobbled and swollen ankle, so all eyes are on that foot to see if it affects his game.
Jesse puts Noah on his back early, well after getting popped pretty well by Jesse as well. Noah works to get guard but keeps getting stuck on his back. Jesse begins to elbow a little, stands up to create space and comes down with a hard punch from the sky.
Noah is unable to stand back up and keeps pushing Jesse up with his feet (hurt one as well) and even kicks Jesse in the leg with the injured foot. Jesse settles into Noah's guard and just when you think he might open it up Noah makes his move and adjusts to trap Jesse's right arm.
Jesse's inexperience is exposed as he tries to stand up and get out, giving Noah the opportunity to throw a leg over his face. Noah tries to roll out of the armbar but it's sunk too deep and he's forced to tap.
Noah gets his revenge for that basketball and robs me from getting to make an "I'm taking my ball and going home" joke.
Now Tito's boys have the hammer and they will be able to choose the next battle. Next week we'll get back to hoping that Tito and Ken have their first blowup and we can resume the Dana White f-bomb count.
Me? I'm waiting to see if someone will fight over actual spilled milk this season.
I had hoped that by moving into a new decade of experience I would start to see things differently. I threw out all my "Big Johnson" t-shirts. I got rid of my Calvin-peeing-on-a-Ford sticker and slapped on a "Dare to keep kids off drugs." I burned all my Punisher comics and arranged some magazines on the coffee table to impress all the 30-something "cougars" I plan on bringing home. Architecture, US News and The Economist … stuff that will impress the ladies.
Advertisement
So, I bring you an unprecedentedly awful segue to my guide to The Ultimate Fighter.
Tonight's theme: Basketballs. Training with them, kicking them,
fighting over them and so much more but I'll touch on that
later.
Last week, Kalib Starnes won his first fight against Mike Stine (Stine, not Stein … sorry all you Jr. Sherdog editors) and has placed himself immediately in the semifinals. Remember kids this year's show is "you win, you’re in.” No more ridiculous challenges.
This episode begins with the boys from England in a bit of a scrum. It seems that Ross (Bointon) has left the toilet in disarray. I could say something crass like "Ross baked some butt brownies and didn't clean the kitchen," but that's really not my type of humor so I won't.
Anyway these boys are arguing about it and the first funny moment of this season emerges as Matt Hamill, who is deaf, makes a comment about New Englanders not getting along. Something got lost in the translation, as Matt had been thinking that these guys were from the Northeast. I laughed because these guys need subtitles half the time and for a guy that has to read lips I can only imagine what "give us a kiss luv" may mean to a guy that thinks you're from New England.
The guys explain to him which England they are from. You know, crumpets not chowder, Beckham not Brady. That sort of thing.
Both of the Brits are wildly entertaining but every time I hear their voice I think of my ex-girlfriend and her new British boyfriend and it just makes my blood boil.
Moving on, we go to the training center where tonight's star, the basketball, makes its appearance. Tito Ortiz (Pictures) decides to instruct Noah Inhofer to keep his hands up better by cradling a basketball between his fist and head. What is this, “The Program”? I don't know if this works or not but Noah becomes attached to this ball and later, when some of the guys kick it around and leave it outside, he gets into an argument with Tait about the lack of respect he's shown Coach Soliz's ball.
Yes, in season one we had Chris Leben (Pictures) bashing down a door for getting sprayed with water. And now we have a fight over a basketball, making me believe that this UFC house is the Bermuda Triangle of testosterone.
Noah might have some reason to be a little edgy since Ken's team has decided that he will be the next to fight. The Shamrock team has the hammer (think conch) and is able to pick who they wish to fight. Ken decides to match up Noah with Jesse Forbes.
Jesse, at 21, is one of the younger guys on the show and has a lot of youthful energy … he likes to break things. So in his haste to break some items he also decides to put an ice pick through Noah's basketball. Noah takes it all in stride, but during the last Team Tito training session before his fight he injures his ankle while doing drills.
Everyone on his team is aghast that he was even lifting a finger before his fight, never mind that just about every fight card you see has guys with bandages all over their bodies from the same kind of thing.
During Ken's training session, Kalib is caught not putting forth the full effort and gets called out by Ken. Shamrock admonishes Kalib for his cruise control actions during drills and gives the boys a stern talking-to.
Tito comes over to the UFC and adds some "bam" to the kitchen as he makes spaghetti for his guys in what the corporate world calls a "team building" exercise. Michael Bisping (Pictures) isn't too thrilled as he sees Tito's constant tutelage of Matt Hamill being a bit unfair and all the spaghetti in the world won't fix that.
It seems that both TUF coaches might have small mutinies on their hands with some of their guys copping attitudes and undermining them.
I'm sure that will come to a head later.
So on to the fight between Jesse Forbes from Team Shamrock and Noah Inhofer from Team Ortiz. Both men are light heavyweights but Noah has a bit of a reach and experience advantage. Noah still has a hobbled and swollen ankle, so all eyes are on that foot to see if it affects his game.
Jesse puts Noah on his back early, well after getting popped pretty well by Jesse as well. Noah works to get guard but keeps getting stuck on his back. Jesse begins to elbow a little, stands up to create space and comes down with a hard punch from the sky.
Noah is unable to stand back up and keeps pushing Jesse up with his feet (hurt one as well) and even kicks Jesse in the leg with the injured foot. Jesse settles into Noah's guard and just when you think he might open it up Noah makes his move and adjusts to trap Jesse's right arm.
Jesse's inexperience is exposed as he tries to stand up and get out, giving Noah the opportunity to throw a leg over his face. Noah tries to roll out of the armbar but it's sunk too deep and he's forced to tap.
Noah gets his revenge for that basketball and robs me from getting to make an "I'm taking my ball and going home" joke.
Now Tito's boys have the hammer and they will be able to choose the next battle. Next week we'll get back to hoping that Tito and Ken have their first blowup and we can resume the Dana White f-bomb count.
Me? I'm waiting to see if someone will fight over actual spilled milk this season.
