Sherdog.com’s Guide to The Ultimate Fighter

Last week Kendall Grove (Pictures) fought hard and brought back the McRib on Kalib Starnes (Pictures). Kalib was eliminated in a small upset and lost his undefeated status. Now at least half of Team Dagger is in the finals.

Kalib gets out of the hospital and shows up at the house with nothing but respect and kind words for Kendall. Kendall gets his props from Coach Tito and gets a break until he faces the winner of Rory Singer and Ed Herman (Pictures).

Speaking of Rory and Ed, they are in the middle of a little spat that you just won't believe, girlfriend. You see, Rory is seen in the house as a nice guy know-it-all and is beginning to piss everyone off. He's getting on their nerves and they have been getting on his. Rory likes to put his name on everything that he owns. So, of course they begin to write "is gay" under everything that says "Rory."

It gets better.

Ed moves out of his room due to Rory's gassiness and the fact that they will be facing off soon. Ed moves in with Jesse and they celebrate with some drinks.

Rory gets to the gym and finds his locker has been defiled. “Rory is gay” has been written on his gloves. Ooh, I know you didn't! Rory retaliates by writing naughty things on the other guy's stuff and finally wipes Ed's gloves on his ass. Ed hides all of Rory's stuff and decides to pee on Rory's headgear.

An argument ensues and things turn ugly outside but thankfully an adult was present and Dean kept things from getting sillier on the playground. Turns out that Kendall was the sneaky pete behind all the pranks.

Oh Rory, will you ever win?

Rory and Kendall beat out their differences in the gym and make their peace.

Matt comes back and gives his trademark "woooooh.” Everyone fills him in on his own fight and tells him about how he won. Matt is devastated to learn that the doctor won't allow him to fight.

Everyone's shocked that he didn't already know. Matt's very disappointed but proud that he's still undefeated and looks forward to coming back to fight another day.

Ed and Rory both make weight but Ken Shamrock (Pictures) sees that Ed isn't very motivated. He's homesick and has lost his fire. Ken takes this time and brings in a surprise for Ed. Ed's mentor and teacher Randy Couture (Pictures) shows up at the gym and gives a big pep talk. Ed takes Randy's words to heart despite the god-awful hat that Randy is sporting.

Now its fight time and both these guys really want to kick each other's ass. So much has led to this moment. The gay notes, the fart blowing, the gloves that have been stink palmed — it's just all been too much.

Some of you reading this may think that these things were childish but you may want to check your fight history. It might surprise you to learn that Hearns versus Hagler began over a game of Uno. The movie "Raging Bull" chronicles the life of hard-hitting Jake LaMotta, who would start one of boxing's biggest rivalries when he stole Sugar Ray Robinson's favorite shoe shiner right out from under him. It's all true.

The first round of this fight was fairly even. Ed is able to take Rory down and tries to work his ground-and-pound. Rory fights Ed off and tries to work for some submissions but Ed answers with punches. Rory is able to stand back up against the fence is trips Ed for an awkward takedown. Now Rory tries his hand at some ground-and-pound but Ed is able to hang tough.

Ed starts off the second round by popping Rory good with a right hand and then Rory returns the favor with a left jab that snaps Ed's head back. Ed wastes no time taking Rory down again and from there on out it seems Rory gave up. Ed takes his back and chokes him until he taps.

Now before I can even start thinking about all this another TUF episode starts right up. I'm confused, I had no idea another show was on tonight. Damn you SpikeTV. I just took two Tylenol PM's with the hope that I'll be done writing this nonsense when it kicks in.

Now I'm panicking as they start right up with another fight. Jesse Forbes versus Josh Haynes (Pictures) to set up the light heavyweight finale. The fight starts immediately and before I can type “round one” Jesse has Josh's back and looks like this will be over very soon.

Jesse keeps trying to sink the choke but Josh is fighting him off. Josh tries everything, grabbing Josh's ankles, pulling his hands off his face and after a few minutes of struggling, his stubbornness pays off and he slips out and gets into Jesse's guard.

It doesn't last long as Josh goes for an ankle lock that fails and once again Jesse is on top. Jesse wastes no time taking Josh's back again and goes for that same choke. The only problem is that Josh almost has no neck so it's hard for his thick forearms to get in there.

When the round ends Jesse is spent from all the choke attempts. The second round starts and Jesse goes for a takedown. However he’s caught in a standing guillotine. Josh holds on for dear life and Jesse is forced to tap.

Now Josh is in the finals and awaits the victor of the battle of Britain.

Michael Bisping (Pictures) ran out of opponents last week or the week before that I suppose and his countrymen Ross Pointon stepped up a weight class to take him. These two have fought before and Bisping came out ahead.

They both make weight at 205 and then they discuss what their fight will be like at the house. Bisping predicts certain victory and hopes to start his fight out with a flying knee. Pointon doesn't care about Bisping's stature as one of Britain's top fighters; he just wants to get in there and bang.

While the Brits sleep some drunken antics are going on down below. Everyone that isn't fighting seems to get hammered. Matt Hamill throws Ed around. A food fight ensues, farts are lit, mustard is sprayed, ketchup is slung and the fight mansion is destroyed.

Michael is ready to put Ross away and get into the finals for himself and Team Ortiz. Ross is hoping to catch Michael with the one big punch and get revenge for his overseas loss to Bisping.

With Michael's considerable skills, most are picking him to win over Ross. But I keep looking at the clock and with only about eight minutes left in the show I think that Ross might get one in there and end this quick.

Sure enough Ross comes out and tags Michael hard with a right to start off the fight. Michael shakes it off and throws a nice left high kick and connects with Ross's head. Michael throws a few more of those and Ross keeps his distance, only stepping to swing hard at Michael. Michael goes for a takedown but Ross rebuffs him.

Michael takes a few steps back and then hits Ross with a flying knee and then takes over. Ross flops against the fence and Michael Bisping (Pictures) puts it on him, hitting him with both hands until the ref steps in and calls off the bulldog.

Ross is upset but everyone gives him respect for being willing to jump in there to fight.

Now the finals are set with Kendall Grove (Pictures) taking on Ed Herman (Pictures) for the middleweight contract. Michael Bisping (Pictures) will take on Josh Haynes (Pictures). Tito's team will have three representatives in the finals and Ken has Ed in there. Dana admits that Tito came in and turned his guys into fighters while Ken phoned it in.

Of course Ken can't let it go and starts in on Tito and away we go. Tito tells Ken he will retire him and I guess we'll let these two finish this in a few weeks.

As for the rest of the TUF finalists, next Saturday we'll let those guys decide who wants the contracts and the instant career.

So sleepy …. zzzzzzz.