Sherdog.com’s Guide to the Ultimate Fighter

I'll be doggoned if I didn't have a flat on the way home last tonight. I can't remember which model, yoga instructor or roller derby chick's house I was at, but it took awhile to slap on the spare so I had to rush over to a friend's to watch TUF.

I called my plucky Sri Lankan roommate and had him tape the thing. Yes videotape, my apartments won't spring for TiVo, the wankers. Since I felt comfortable with his knowledge of electronics I sat down with some fellow mixed martial arts fans and for once watched the show like a normal person.

Of course I couldn't tell what was going on since everyone was more concerned about important questions like:

"Who will win, Hughes or Gracie?

"Will Hughes just pound the old master or will he just play into Gracie's strengths?"

"Tim Sylvia (Pictures), holy crap what was that?"

"You know what would be awesome? Diego and Karo…"

"Have you heard the Tool bootleg?'

"Does that Xyience chick want to have babies with me?"

OK, so the last one was in my inner-monologue. But, still, a valid question. Doesn't matter because we all paid close attention to the fight and everyone saw one fighter get ran through like chainsaw to tree.

It wasn't until I got home and watched the thing over again did I realize that the real story for this season's show may not be who wins or loses the UFC contracts. It will be how Tito made his career off a legend and how he went on to beat the legend in the Octagon and is still proving that Ken Shamrock (Pictures) will not best him.

From the beginning of this season it looks like Shamrock is phoning it in. I don't normally get too critical of anyone on this show; we all realize that it is still just T.V. and those producers and editors can change timelines and frame the show to make the most impact entertainingly.

That being said, I don't think I'm wrong when I say that Ken looks kind of clueless as to his role is on this show. He lost his team early on and it shows. His guys don't buy into his mystical, esoteric style of talking about the fight game. Tito's always undermined Shamrock's status and it gets in his head. Now his own team undermines him and it would seem that in response he has given up or is distracted by outside interests.

Who knows? I'm a big fan of Ken's but his showing so far has been embarrassing. I wanted to see he and Tito get their boys riled up, but instead Ken is having career day at elementary school while Tito is training an army.

Whew, sorry to get so heavy but the bar is raised high for this guy. It's weird but I'm beginning to think of the Shamrocks as the anti-Stallones — Frank's the one you want to see on the screen.

So basically this episode was the Michael Bisping (Pictures) hour.

Michael, as we have said before, is from the UK. He has some beef with Tito's attention being on Matt Hamill. He also seems to be stewing a little with some of the other guys, so you just knew he was either going to fight somebody or maybe cause some in-house antics. Or both.

He did get drunk one night and act a fool and ran around harassing everyone as only the truly drunk can do. He stopped short of going all soccer hooligan on everyone and seemed genuinely embarrassed that he lost focus for a night. Wouldn't you know, after simmering for a while, Tito does indeed choose him to fight newly shorn Kris Rotharmel.

Kristian seems to be a nice fellow and, despite hailing from Louisiana, likes to quote poetry … his own poetry it would seem. I guess that seems fine enough but it could also be off-putting like having Colonel Sanders stand up and sing opera or something. Anyway Kristian gets chosen and finally Bisping will be able to work out some aggression.

Shamrock's team spent most of the show either training on their own in the backyard or watching tapes of fights. Even in football you don't watch tapes when you could be out practicing. Hell, did any of you watch UFC Unleashed before the show? If you did, you should be fighting Sean Sherk (Pictures) this weekend … you're ready.

After the commercial break we are treated to a small surgery as Bisping gets one of the guys to stick a needle into his ear to get rid of the fluid before the cauliflower fully sets in. If I liked needles, blood and medical procedures I'd just flip over and watch "80-Pound Tumor" on The Learning Channel.

I forward the tape.

Next it's fight time and like I said earlier you just couldn't miss what happened here. Bisping was dying to get after it and make a statement about why being the champ from across the pond was something for the Americans to consider.

Kristian definitely tried and hung tough but after his first two takedown attempts were thwarted he seemed to no longer be fighting at the same speed. He was able to kick Bisping's legs out but in the scramble to gain control his head was pulled down and a knee split his wig, right on top of the head in the spot on babies that is known as the "fontanel." Look it up.

Bleeding heavily out of the top of his head it was all downhill from there. He remained game and tried to lean on Bisping and stay in it, but the Brit was able to catch him numerous times with punches and knees, mixing up the strikes well. Kristian made efforts to take Bisping down but even there he caught elbows and punches.

Noticeably not so big anymore, John McCarthy separates the men to have Kristian's cut looked at. Bisping walks over gets Kristian's blood wiped off by Tito. Kristian's head looks like he's been bobbing for gauze in a hospital trashcan in the ER. Ken is nowhere to be seen. Where's your corner?

Once fighting resumes things really take a turn for the worse and now Kristian is fighting jelly-legged. Even when Bisping is on the bottom he's pouring it on with more punches and elbows and McCarthy has to call the fight.

Bisping looks pretty solid and Kristian admits that he was manhandled. Several cuts on his face and head look resemble wounds caused by Chinese throwing stars.

I'm hoping that Shamrock will come out of his funk and his team won't be systematically crushed. But I'm not holding my breath.